Do not discuss spoilers about new episodes within the Cbox until at least a week after the episode has aired, if you wish to discuss spoilers simply make a thread about it (Keep the title spoiler free aswell).
Is the water buffing plants required?I feel like its somewhat overkill.
Be aware Amazonite is not a Quartz Family gemstone, its belongs to the Feldspar family, the same family as Labradorite.
Your healing thing is still a little awkward, 'healing nearly towards it peak'. Might bet worth rewriting chunks IE
"Healing: Amazonite has the power to heal cracked and damaged gems along with most organic creatures. Her healing process is somewhat slow requiring her to physically touch their gemstone and to concentrate fully for about 3 minutes. Any distractions will break the healing process and force her to begin once again. Similar to the healing fountain the process is indicated to be complete when the patient's gem begins to glow, the damaged disappearing before their very eyes. She has also attempted her technique on corrupted gems. The results have generally been mixed with some cases almost being cured and others having little change."
Huh,nice work, if i recalled my latest work was of Euclase for this site.
When I say peak its means top, she heals towards the zenith of her ability to ensure a success. and yes if need be it can for the water
Its still somewhat weird syntax, i mean its sorta a given that you heal to the best of your abilities. That was why i had written a somewhat more clearer example out in the above post.Potentially to use,or to have as reference for a explanation to the power that was somewhat clearer then what you had.
What i meant about the water was that i think its overkill,it complicates your already long explanation and i think your plant generation is already plenty strong without it.
The finally part was that your history is on the short side,but i wanted to get this Ability stuff fixed up fully before we moved onto that.
Tends to have info about different types of Quartzs. Granted though this isn't too much of a issue, its just about whether you want to change it to be a Quartz gemstone (Ie Chalecdony or Blue Quartz),or whether you want to stay Amazonite and just have it be that your somewhat unique as you were custom made as a warrior gem.
Third option would be your not a warrior gem but more of a aristocratic gem.
So what direction would you want to go,before i get into some tweaks you can do to the history.
if you want it to have a fancier name Blue Quartz can also be called Dumortierite Quartz,Lazurquartz or Sapphire Quartz.
Anyway your history had some similar issue with some weird syntax stuff and it was a little short. IE
"Blu was made on Homeworld at the Beta Kindergarten in which her diamond would be White Diamond, As a Quartz Soldier she was made for battle and which was the only thing she could do"
With some small changes
"Like many gems Blu was made on Homeworld within a Beta Kindergarten, Falling under the elite she was assigned to White Diamond as soon she was created. Like the other Quartz she was designed only for combat and battle. Her caste defining those as the only things she could and should do."
See how just some wording changes help to make it flow a little better, as for this shortish length,
When did she arrive on Earth? What did she do on Earth?
Was she in hiding,trying to Avoid Homeworld Gems on Earth?
Did she arrive before Earth was cut off from Homeworld?
How did her ship crash,was she shot down? Did it run out of fuel or malfunction? Did a flying corrupted gem damage it?
I mean I should note for the future that most posts are written in Present or Past Tense and not Future Tense like your history
IE: 'As blu would look around she would walk looking down at the short organism that would coexist here' (Future Tense you saying stuff that would happen,not stuff that is or had happened.)
'As Blue Looked around she walked,looking down at the small life that coexisted here.'
Past Tense and fixed up some weird synonyms, but its fine you dont have to change the tense.
So at this point im probably run it as unofficially accepted (You can post,but the thread has not been moved)
I will recommend that you do be careful with your wording,while the issue has been lessened you still seems to have some weird wording, and I think its has got something to do with synonyms in most cases, you are basically using synonyms of the correct words and that causes some weird stuff because similar words can always be interchangeable.
"what she was made for and who she 'survived', she was filled with the mindset that she could do other things as well than what she was supposed to do. She would start the ship up soon 'levitating' from a gem colony she once served proudly"
survived is kinda strange in this sentence, the first word i'm thinking is 'is' "what she was made for and who she is" makes far more sense.
Same here i feel like 'Rising up' makes somewhat more sense here "She would start the ship up soon rising up from a gem colony she once served" Flying away and Fleeing also work.
I do ask out of curiosity? Are you replacing certain words with synonyms of the word (After your wrote the sentence) to try and vary your sentence structure? Because that would explain the somewhat jumbled wording, since you do have the be careful that the synonyms have the same meaning in the context of the sentence.
Melody: Hi! Yep, that is true
Dec 30, 2019 10:51:32 GMT
Melody: honestly the site is not very active, but I try to make sure that every new player is doing okay
Dec 30, 2019 10:52:55 GMT
Melody: so feel free to message me here or on the discord if Njrk (the owner) is not answering
Dec 30, 2019 10:53:30 GMT
Melody: Also, you have got a decent app Chatoyant. I don't think you will have problems with being accepted. I am only not sure about your weapon, in the show it was very op, Njrk will have to take a closer look
Dec 30, 2019 11:07:42 GMT
Melody: It might also be good to state if you made the art for your Aquamarine or not
Dec 30, 2019 11:09:33 GMT
Fulgurite: Always wonderful to see new users. The shoutbox is still somewhat in use but the more reliable chat is the discord channel. But either way, welcome to the site.
Dec 30, 2019 11:29:49 GMT
Chatoyant Aquamarine: Thank you! Yes, that's the thing I'm still unsure about as well. I tried looking into other tractor beam and levitation based abilities that have been approved on this site and modeled and tried to nerf mine based on those. Will have to see!
Dec 30, 2019 12:58:23 GMT
Chatoyant Aquamarine: Ah, and that's true. The art's mine, could go edit that into the app before I forget. x)
Dec 30, 2019 12:59:32 GMT
Melody: I think it is good. Njrk already said it in chatbox that he is pretty busy, but I will try to inform him on discord about your app
Dec 30, 2019 13:08:05 GMT
Melody: I have got an idea. Njrk in some threads suggests that abilities/weapons could have a cooldown. It could be a nice way to nerf your weapon, but not too much. For example, maybe after using it in 2 posts it will shut down on its own for one post?
Dec 30, 2019 13:15:38 GMT
Melody: it is just a suggestion, I really don't know what Njrk will say about it
Dec 30, 2019 13:16:43 GMT
Melody: time measures, weight and stuff like that are nice, but they don't always transfer well into the roleplay. Time is especially a tricky part, that is why we usually use posts instead
Dec 30, 2019 13:20:04 GMT
Chatoyant Aquamarine: Understandable that people would be busy around this time of the year, I don't mind if I have to wait a little. A cooldown could be a good idea if it's deemed that the weapon could use a little more nerfing. I'll keep that in mind!
Dec 30, 2019 13:31:27 GMT
njrk97: Ill try and look at it tomorrow, but yeah the gem wand presents some issues, its sorta why i avoided the more modern gem tech on the site IE widespread Destablizers. Like they exist but since Pink is not Dead the Resource issues and tech focus of Era 2
Dec 31, 2019 1:08:37 GMT
njrk97: has not become that prevalent.
Dec 31, 2019 1:08:54 GMT
Chatoyant Aquamarine: I'll try to make some adjustments beforehand. I’ll let the original description stay as it is so you can read it but I’ll send some notes to you so that you don’t have to start from a scratch.
Dec 31, 2019 4:25:34 GMT
Flurry: I knew that was coming
Jan 15, 2020 3:05:39 GMT
This Roleplay is a prequel to Steven Universe to an extent with some slight retconing and its own progression to the story that will turn out differently to how stuff plays out in the show.Thanks to the message by Rose Quartz several gems are rising up to protect Earth and have labelled themselves as the Crystal Gems. Others on earth are remaining aligned to Homeworld though despite the isolation of Earth from Homeworld
All gems on earth are still stranded, the communication hub is still offline and all the space warps are shattered, it has now been revealed that this is the work of Rose Quartz and her small group known as the Crystal gems. They have rebelled against Homeworld and have chosen to protect the Earth (Trapping themselves on Homeworld to keep the warps down).
Now both sides are fighting among themselves along with fighting against the 'Corruption' a virus is infecting many gems turning most of them into mindless monsters, but those with a stronger will seem to becoming something more sinister.
The Game has changed now. The question has finally been posed, are you against Homeworld or allied with them. Or do you have your own agenda that may or may not been assisted by the ‘Corruption’. Regardless the seeds have been placed down and although it is only the beginning the fight for or against Earth and the corruption has begun. The choice is yours for how it is shaped on the Original Steven Universe Roleplay Site.
Orginal Opening Plot Here Thread That Changed Everything
Differances Between the Roleplay and the Show
*Thanks to Rose Quartz' message the Gems on Earth are entirely aware that the Homeworld Gems intend to wipe out the human race.
*The "corruption" is being treated like a virus due to lack of info about it on the show.
*Garnet, Pearl and Rose are assumed capture on Homeworld
*Garnet,Pearl and Rose broke the space warps to delay Homeworld
*Thanks to Roses Message gems now know what the Kindergarten was used for