Spider Web Jasper (Aka) Crow

[Spider Web Jasper Aka Crow]

Name: Spider Web Jasper - aka - The spider's crow
Appeared Gender: Androgynous - But If a gender has to be chosen male and if later he chooses to partake, in fusion with a female gem he will take female form.
Appeared Age: Mid- Twenties
Gemstone: Black Spider Web Jasper 
Gemstone Location: Left Eye Socket
Fractions: Crystal Gem
Corruption: No

Monster Form: N/A

Appearance: Dressed and appearing goth his clothing are even while gothic have a gypsy look and feel to them. Black beads hang from his neck in abundance and a little wildly, as his tattered half-shirt and black jean cut-off jacket hange loosely on his body. Wearing Arabic style gothic pants Spider Web Jasper has an odd and unique look to him at all times, most day his black eye-patch over his gem doesnt help. His hair long and flowing to his back makes him seemingly feminine, given his androgynous look and personality at most times when not in battle.

Personality: He is lazy all the time unless promised a fight, then he goes berserk in a all out bloodthirsty desire, to sate his emptiness with carnage out of a deep self-loathing. He normally is a nice calm person, with a very grim outlook on life which he does his best to hide at all times. If he makes a friend he will protect them risking the possibility of being shattered if need be, but once they break his trust he will loath the person/gem with a ferocity like vengeance almost. Seeing no reason to lie as even in the mist war, he believes all warriors should have honor. It also enrages him to see a weaponless ally or even foe harmed unjustly, and thinks it unforgivable to shatter a gem that is so. He can be childish a lot as he love games of many sorts mostly video games thoughs.

Likes/Dislikes: He loves fight to the point, he will go any length to fight someone, who he think worthy of his time and effert if not he will the peron or gem. However he doesn't like a easy fight and will try to actively stop the fight, if able or even allow the gem victory to evade boredom. Loving to play with others even during his berserk rampages, Spider Web Jasper can be childish and foolish during battle as a result. He doesn't like to lose at all, but will do so happily if it suits his needs at the time being, even knowing it means given in to depravity and shame.

Phobia/Fears: He fears shattering his fellow gems even those, he knows will be or are foe in his berserk rampage. The one thing he fears most is being bubbled, or made into an artifact for his fellow gems. However small he fears homeworld as well thinking the will shatter him instantly after learning he was labeled a failure.

Weapon: He can materialize a dark midnight purple claw over his left hand and forearm, about 1&1/2 foot long similar to wearing a vampbrace overlaped with a gauntlet.

Ability 1: Using a flash of dark midnight purple light that is produced by his gemstone Spider Web Jasper is able to locate in a 10 meter diameter the excact spot where a gem was at the time the light hit their gemstone.

Ability 2: His right eye from years of living with only one has adapted to move and see more in single moment then most see in minute allowing for much greater notice of small things most would miss at a glance.

History: Made for use in battle in human year 2008 BC as a last resort for battle as an way to violently tear apart the battlefield in the mist of war yet he was born labelled a failure due to being born early. his first form slim, tall, bubbly and joyful was soon to lost forevevermore in the insuing battle to come just for being born. Between a new born gem and a overconfident quartz amethyst overcharged with protecting a peridot, that overlooked the program was sent to shatter the new gem quartz but failed and got poofed. The amethyst poofed and humiliated in his first battle was ashamed of his lose and feared his peridot greatly so he lied that he had won upon his return to his master. Spared from being shattered due to luck and good planning the fact he wasn't hunted was due to a gems shame and so he was free to search the earth as he pleased. One day on the human year 2017 happening upon a crystal gem as he went mad she took pity on him and allowed him to join them so long he harmed no human or crystal gem. On the verge of insanity the Spider Wep Jasper was barely sane from living such a lonely solitary life for so long.

Arcs: 
1-Finding the old kindergarten. The first saga is a search based saga for the kindergarten where his life began.
2- Finding out what happen. The second saga based on figuring out the past of his kindergarten.
3- Tracking his peridot scientist.The third saga is a NPC tracking saga about his peridot creator.
4-Is she worth sparing? The fourth saga is based on deciding if he should let go of his revenge.
5-Is this enough now? The fifth saga is based on deciding if any of his efforts where at all worth his time.  
6 -Is my pain forevermore? The sixth saga is based on his struggle to let go of his past and the pain it causes him.
7-Will madness save me? The seventh saga is about corruption and his pondering if insanity could ease his pain even knowing his mind will break.

[njrk97]

First up,maybe some spacing,its somewhat hard to read as a giant wall of text.

Its always Obsidians, i've noticed it seems to be a pretty popular gem on the site.

It may be worth also doing a once over of spelling and punctuation,some sentences seem to rattle or feel a little long and awkwardly worded.

In terms of continuity on here, the corruption forming is a far more recent affair occurring during the cutoff in 2013.So Homeworld and gemkind likely have not weaponised it at the time of your creation.

steven-universe-rp.proboards.com/thread/1236/full-plot-overview-divergences-homeworld consult this thread for further divergences from the show that the site has.

Considering your role as a assassin aswell,you could change your gemstone steven-universe-rp.proboards.com/thread/1967/castes-types-gems-role-society we sorta have a list of already developed fanon castes if you wanted to notch in their (IE Spider Web Jaspers seem to run a similar idea of being the metaphorical Boogeymen of the Homeworld Ranks).

[Spider Web Jasper Aka Crow]

Sorry about the wording am a bit weird IRL so please forgive me that. Also do I have to change from obsidian as both name and color will be changed as well as many editing here and there even if small they add up quickly. It would take save an few minutes maybe an hour most to do all the work. However the first and last has been done as asked. Just a note I just as I was typing this reply the link you provided I didn't notice that at first also history may change as a result of what I find.

All relavent change has been made after reading the link provided.

[njrk97]

Normally i split up my suggestions as sections as to not overload a person with a wall of changes.

With the spelling and stuff it is worth being careful with, if people cant understand your wording or you have a bunch of typos people are probably gonna be less inclined to RP with you. (PS: you spelt Faction and Crystal Gems wrong.), a few choice commas on sentences that run to long can go a long way, since as you can see from my post here, it helps to add a breath and break up something into more legible chunks. (Try reading this without the commas or full stops.). It just seems that sometimes you skip a word and it makes stuff a little funny to read. IE:
'He lazy all the time unless promised a fight then he goes berserk in a all out bloodthirsty desire to sate his emptiness with carnage out of a deep self-loathing'

'He IS lazy all the time, UNLESS promised a fight, THEN he goes beserk in a all out blodthristy desire to sate his emptiness with carnage, OUT of a deep self-loathing'

See how adding a few commas and the IS made it easier to read.


I will not force you to change your Gemstone, but i was saying consider it, since there is a Gemstone that may fit your role better then Obsidian, Spider Web Jasper can be purple or black and fit your roll of being a dangerous last restore on the battle field somewhat more coherently then Obsidian. (Besides changing the name would only require you to change 5 words in your entire application, its not like your colouring or appearance need to change.)


Based on other powers on the site, your first and second power could easily be merged into a single power, where in you have the ability to sense any gem around you within a 5 meter radius. You could even amp that range up if you wanted, closer to 10 meters.

How long is your claw weapon?


Regarding your history, if you chose to remain as Obsidian, your not a Quartz, Obsidian is a completely different gemstone family.Quartzes are a family of Gemstones consisting of Jaspers, Carnelian, Agate, Amethyst, Praisolite, Citrine, Chalcedony and Aventurine. Also its unlikely that a Peridot would be sent to dispose of a soldier gem like yourself, its more likely that a Quartz soldier would do that.

When did you emerge, How long ago, How long did you spend wandering the Earth before discovering the rebels? Obviously you were also only corrupted a few years ago, because as I mentioned, corruption only started in 2013, and you mentioned you merged early. So you must of emerged way before the Kindergartens got sabotaged on Earth in 2013.

You also need some details on your character arc, a title is not much to go off.


As i mentioned though, the big thing is still spelling and punctuation, try and read your sentences out aloud and it will help you see spots were a sentence may run on to long, or show a place where you forgot a word or spelt something wrong. I know i may seem picky about this,but on a Roleplay the words you type are your way to create a story, if people cant understand what you are saying or are confused by it, how can they Roleplay back.

[Spider Web Jasper Aka Crow]

I hope I fixed all that was asked in a suitable way however I don't know the year the world is set in on the site I can't put a year on crystal gems him as I want to be fair resent. As in weeks or at most a month or two not very more then that as I feel would harm development of my gems in the long run. After that knowledge is known to me I will edit the year they found him also I will take time to read at length the link you gave as I skimmed it lasted time. If found disregard the note on the year he was found as I may edit this before you read this reply about it.

[njrk97]

Site Time runs of modern time, being the same year and date as our world.

That full plot overview thread explains the years other events occurred.

[Spider Web Jasper Aka Crow]

Modification was done to parts however the arcs seem by name self-evident in meaning also I have not much time, if I could PM staff with a overview of all arcs end goal as a um as well as separate that would much appreciated. Corruption was removed to simply things a bit changes I noticed needing made where fixed, but I fear I missed or may have missed a few details needing fixed from removing corruption.

[njrk97]

Is this enough now?

seems to be a little vague, that was why i suggested the sentence or two explaining what the arc is.

As I mentioned though, your big thing is gonna be trying to improve your grammar and punctuation, there is only so many times i can repeat what i said about 'reading stuff out loud' to see issues and in general just looking over your stuff to see where a sentence is weird or doesn't flow well. So that more on how much you want to improve.

I can do a big deconstruction of your history,explain spelling and grammar issues if you want, if you think that may help you.


Otherwise I can sorta run this thing as accepted and let you Roleplay, with my warning of having to be careful with your spelling or grammar to make sure that your stuff is easy to understand when you are roleplaying, try to avoid skipping words, watch the structure of your sentences (If your repeating the same word 3 times in one sentence, that generally means the sentence is gonna sound weird or make it really hard to understand.If your not sure, don't be afraid to PM me, or one of the other Mods in training to ask for help with your posts).


Remember that Roleplay Posts have the requirement of at least 120 words. Also take a look at this steven-universe-rp.proboards.com/thread/47/thread-title-formatting some threads are private and don't accept random people coming into them.

[Spider Web Jasper Aka Crow]

I hope that makes a little clarification as to 'is this enough now' I admit that one a bit vauge. Sorry to the wait I do multiple forums and sometimes for a day or two I forget if I have visted each one. I think most spelling errors are fixed those I noticed anyway I try my best not to sound out of place but I was never good with words.