Chrome Tourmaline

[Kai]

Name: Chrome

Appeared Gender: Male

Appeared Age: 15

Gemstone: Chrome Tourmaline

Gemstone Location:  His Wrist.

Corrupted:No, Not yet at least.


Appearance:  

He Has Pointed arms and legs. He has blonde-ish Gray-ish flowing hair with green highlights, His eyes are bright green. His vest has green flames on it. When He gets mad his eyes glow dark green, If he is like that DO NOT GO NEAR HIM. He has pale skin as well.




Personality:  

Chrome has the intelligence to rival even the smartest of Homeworld gems and could go to Homeworld to work with the smartest. Yet because of his laziness, he stays on earth to work with The Forbidden Gems, a group of misfits that spend their days sitting around playing video games and slacking off.  

       His work ethic is to blame. He has a terrible attitude and this attitude is why he is short tempered. He is like this because he was betrayed by his thought to be friends in his early criminal years, He was also abandoned by his dad at the age of 2. When you cross him he goes on a "mean streak" and wrecks havoc on everything and everyone around him.

Likes/Dislikes: Chrome Likes: Pizza, Video games, Youtube, and swimming
                      Chrome Dis-likes: Mondays, veggies, meat

Fears: Chrome fears oblivion, the end of everything.

Weapon: He shoots Shurikens from his gem they can go up to a range of 40 feet. He shoots 2 at once

Ability 1: He can turn any object into something else Example: He can turn rocks into dirt
Ability 2: He is very experienced in tech so he can instantly learn everything about any piece of tech.

Fusions: He fuses with Firestone to create Ember.

History: Chrome lived a bad life from the beginning when the Homeworld gems threw him out. They threw him out because he hacked into an important computer and found out that they were planing to destroy Earth. They sent him on a pod to a distant planet but it went off course. He landed in Earth. He was able to warn the earth natives that the homeworld gems plan to destroy their planet. He formed a group to help protect 
Earth. The group was called the Forbidden Gems. He meet the Forbidden Gems when he crash landed and they saved him. The Forbidden Gems saved the world without anybody knowing. They knew that the Homeworld Gems would find out about their actions and went into hiding. They now reside on a isolated desert island.

  
 
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Attachments:

[njrk97]

When you create the character you can get rid of the little explanations things and replace them with your planned text. So big thing is more details on everything,personality,weapon,history,ability. I always cite my apps as a example but just look at basically any accepted character for reference.

Now the elephant in the room. Gold. Gold is a pure metallic element and has a distinct metallic appearance. As such it is very far in the metals category and cant be allowed. The general rules is if the mineral in question is only available in a distinct metallic form it is considered a metal. There is plenty of yellow gemstones you can use though as a replacement,Spodumene,yellow quartz,Sphene,Chrome Tourmaline. just to name a few that have never been used on the site.

[Kai]

I have changed what you have told me to change, His name is now Chrome, I really liked that name.

[njrk97]

Runs into the exact same issue as Gold. That is why i specified as a suggestion Chrome Tourmaline, not just Chrome.

This is Chrome(Chromite to be specific)

This is Chrome Tourmaline

Notice the more Gemstone like appearance.

My other points still stand about detailing,adding a extra line in each section isn't enough. I assume you are fairly new to Roleplaying in general? I can give you examples of personality and history if you want? It doesn't take to too long for me to write up example history and personality and you can chose to use them,or use them as examples.

Speaking of which,i suggest you go read over the plot section located here steven-universe-rp.proboards.com/board/26/plot to make sure you history doesn't break site canon.

[Kai]

oh, I thought you meant chrome or Tourmaline, Ill change that. And yes I am very new to RP'ing. I will also look at your examples.

[Kai]

Done, Chrome Tourmaline is finished. Unless you have anymore adjustments

[njrk97]

Isn't having your gemstone being a watched sorta redundant,it cant detach from your body so why not just have the gemstone be on your wrist instead,considering its no longer a metal (Speaking of which you need to change your thread Title from Chrome aswell)

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Im going to walk through what im doing for Personality, a common mistake for new members is having a personality that it is too even, not committing to a flaws that the character traits brings. and instead really only having the 'flaws' when it is convenient to them. A standard example you see in most fan fictions and stuff is a character who is 'clumsy' a character who is clumsy should be tripping,falling,knocking stuff down in all situations. Instead though alot of inexperienced writers simply have it being that they trip or fall over in casual situations,they never fall,or trip when fighting or any other situation where it would be detrimental.Same idea with alot of character traits, your character can be angry,but alot of novice writers then only have them angry at the villain instead of being grumpy at allies. Moving on though.

Before i write the example of personality i want to sorta pull apart what you have,make you see my thought process.

So the primary core of your character is their intelligence, but they are lazy in most situations, if you cross them though they get angry. So for more 'human' traits im seeing these four when i pull it apart.
1.Intelligent (As you say,they are smart)
2.Lazy (You say they bum around alot)
3.Short tempers, and by extension ('If you cross him')
4.Mean Streak when angered. ('growing stuff,making you pay,ect,ect)

So based on these four points you can also get some conjectural character traits.
Intelligent + Lazy = Lack of Work Ethic and Motivation
Short Temper + Mean Streak = Impulsive and somewhat emotionally unstable,perhaps they are sensitive aswell. Ties into his lack of work Ethic,he doesn't like being told what to do.

So now we have
1.Intelligent
2.Lazy
3.Bad Work Ethic
4.Short Temper
5.Sensitive
6.Impulsive
7.Mean Streak

So now from four traits we get 7,simply by thinking about the mixture of your base traits, you suddenly get to see a more human character because personality traits are not isolated,they mix and match together. Its why a character who is (1)arrogant and wants to (2)be the centre of attention may be a (3) natural leader,the arrogance and self-centred tendency make his (4)confident and because of this he can be a (3) Leader.Its alot about asking 'Why?'Why is your character so smart yet so lazy,well its obvious,he has bad work ethic and doesn't like being told what to do. Why is he so short tempered? Because he is sensitive and quite impulsive.

So now that we have 4 core character traits and a additional 3 due to asking 'why?' we cant now make a longer and more fluid personality. I find the best writing style is writing the personality likes it in a book,don't just dot off the points,make it flow and feel asif a person is describing him to you.

"Chrome Tourmaline has the intelligence to rival even some of the greater minds on homeworld. Instead though the young gem ,who should be working with the smartest, is lazing about on Earth with a relaxed attitude and little of objective or care. His own Work ethic, or lack off, is to blame. Tourmaline is what one would considered a delinquent child,despite his natural braininess he despises being commanded around and hates working because of it, and it was this attitude and a short temper to boot that placed him in the situation he was currently in. Tourmaline ,despite this indifference, harbours a far more sensitive and impulsive side. His short temper and mean streak being the symptoms of this.Betrayal,condescension,Belittlement all set him off, Those who are lucky see this shown by his impulsive side,throwing a punch,yelling and so forth. These things of course can be volatile and dangerous,but it is when he has had time to simmer on the wrongs done to him and place his large brain to work does he truly display his mean streak and calibre for malevolence and fury. This display throwing into doubts his own mental stability. Steer away from these things though and you a given a lazy,if not relaxed and endearing little Yellow Gem to talk to."

Those 7 traits, plus a little bit of smaller details(yet again based on the motivation behind traits) written in a more story based format gives you quite abit more length and a gem that comes of as abit more human than before. Simply by pulling apart the original traits and asking 'why?' abit more. I hope you understood at least a little bit about my thought process.

I will try to get to the history stuff tomorrow. I almost guarantee it will be shorter than this.

[njrk97]

As mentioned History detailing are infinity shorter. Remembering that most of your history will be informed by you personality. Being that what your gems gets up to in the past is dependant on how they act. Now when I normally do histories i try to integrate them more into the universe. On here though that wasn't the case because,well, i was the first ever app created. Anyway, so what i would tend to do is go around to other active members look at their history and see if I can link mine with there(mysterious gem destroys their friend,why not be that mysterious gem? Kindergarten escape,you were the one who freed them, ect, ect. Of course you would discuss and ask people before doing this.)

It helps to also have your history link into the site universe aswell, considering on here gems are a caste based society you should see if their are any other 'chrome tourmalines' or maybe just 'tourmalines', using the search functions in the accepted character i found about 3-4, all of which seemed to be tied into being intelligent in someway.So your pretty set for that, falling under the fanon archetype of Tourmalines being a techy and intelligent species of gem.

((Okay though before i go ahead anymore, i would prefer some confirmation that you are still active and,well, reading these.They do take some time to type so i would prefer to know that im not outstandingly wasting my time.So I will continue when you post in this app,just so i know your still with me))

[Kai]

Yes, I am still with you, I have completed my History, (I think)

[njrk97]

Primary issue is that hybrids of anyform are not allowed, This site is a prequel AU to the show. As such i still want to stick to that 'Steven' was the first hybrid thing.

Alot of issues seem to originate from this, so its another big pointer i tend to give, avoid having too much of your gems history on Earth. Most gems started off in a kindergarten,either on Homeworld,or another planet. So its generally a good idea to focus on that. You have alot more freedom with what you can write when your character is from some backwater kindergarten planet or on Homeworld (Only restriction on Homeworld being,Blue,Yellow and White Diamonds are the rulers and the planet runs off a society where you are born to fill a role and if you cant fill that role you are considered useless).

It mentions in your personality your character is intelligent. So maybe have it be that they started off on Homeworld.'Being part of a prestigious family Tourmaline was expected to be as refined and intelligent as the gems before him,and although he excelled in that intelligence field, he seemed uninterested and outright bored with the controlling and restricted life he was ordered to live, so as a form of excitement he joined up with the wrong crowd.Being the Forbidden gems. A delinquent group on Homeworld that did nothing but cause trouble for the general populace. Tourmaline basked in this rebellious group, from petty robberies to defacing public property, he loved every second of it. Soon though the group grew bored with causing such little chaos.

Tourmaline along with the others decided to move up from their normal civil misconduct and the group had soon hatched a plan to steal equipment from a small off world military base on a planet called 'Earth'. The heist went amiss though and the group was forced to split up and flee to the far reaches of this planet. That had been several years ago and thanks to the cut off from Homeworld Tourmaline had finally decided it was safe to come out of hiding and see the world he was trapped on.'

That is just sorta a outline,but it still retains that criminal group,his lack of work ethic (From your history) and then explains why he was one Earth,but has not been seen around up until this point. All while not breaking site canon (being Human first) in any regards.

ps. Remembering that gems are a ageless and Alien race,whether or not they even have currency is up in the air. That's why i avoided mentioning money robbery as a crime he committed in my idea for the history,because we don't know whether gems even have money.EVEN if they did it would probably be more like some form of galactic 'credits' instead.

((If you want anymore info about the Homeworld Diamonds on this site there is a bunch of stuff here steven-universe-rp.proboards.com/thread/623/faction-information))

[Kai]

He was not a gem at the time of the robbery.

[njrk97]

exactly,I cant allow that. As i mentioned hybrids of humans and gem are not allowed. The only race currently available on here are gems. As such you can not be a human who became a gem. You need to simply be a gem, that was why I suggested (and showed in my example) those robberies and the other crimes occurring on Homeworld, with the delinquent group being stationed there and then the group moving to rob a gem military base on Earth, the robbery went amiss so your group had to split up and go into hiding on Earth, but since Homeworld and Earth are cut off from each other(for about a year or two now) Tourmaline decided it was safe to stop hiding.

As i mentioned Steven is the first and only hybrid of a human and gem. The only races currently allowed on this site are Gems (and in the future metals).

[Kai]

k, I changed it

[njrk97]

Now unfortunately it jumps back to being too short.


What happened before he was thrown out?

Why was he Thrown out?

Who are the Forbidden gems?

How did he meet them?

Why did he join them?

Also your whole money conjuration ability is very specific,you could probably alter to be some form of alchemy,where you can turn small amounts of something into something else, that still allows you to change things into cash)not just rocks), but it also means you could change it it other stuff aswell. As long as it isn't too complicated. (Ie: turn that small rock into a dagger,turn the handful of sand into water,a small amount of air into a explosive gas ect)

[Kai]

Changed.