Aftershocks (closed w. Paddy)

[Paddy]

The sapphire looked over their expression as they spoke, her own was set soberly as she anticipated what they might say. It seemed 7XB disliked keeping secrets as she did, or at least where this kind of thing was concerned; but she wondered at their more reserved nature, and the thousands of years of accumulated experience they had. Certainly they must have a few, she decided.


"--Rebels?" Padparadscha tried to finish the thought. She swallowed,"This isn't a typical investigation, no, but an important one. To be honest with you 7XB, I first heard of this concept, love, from the mouth of a rebel. Since then I have wondered at the context she used it in," She mulled carefully over the things they'd said, and their apprehension. The connection to rebels was one revelation she'd had, but there was still another connection she'd made that she hadn't conjured the bravery to mention yet. Now it seemed that 7XB wasn't indeed on the same page as her in that regard, but as far as the comparison to rebels went, she felt she might have hit the mark.


"It seems that way, but why?" She continued, asking herself as much as she was asking the quartz. Her head tilted to the other side as she continued walking. The concrete path was lightly covered in a thin, sparkling powder of snow that seemed fresh of footprints; there weren't many humans around this side of the city it seemed. In the distance, the pier glimmered with lights that had been strung along its edges, and more of the organics dwelt further down. Cold wind buffeted them from somewhere over the water, sending Padparadscha's accessories and lose hair fluttering around. Her gaze slid back over to 7XB, with some intensity as she had given over to a moment of quiet thought. 

The two of them seemed to be willingly breaking an unspoken code of Homeworld's culture, one she never truly analyzed until she embarked upon this thing she had with the quartz, whatever it was. "Being like this-- close, I mean--" Her voice grew softer as her eyes fell to the ground in front of her while she continued forward. It would be hard to say whether the other gem felt the way she did about this, especially now that more of their unease was coming to light, "Why does it seem wrong, but feel...right?"

[7XB]

Padparadscha's admission only served as vindication for what 7XB had already felt, even more firmly cementing in their mind this idea that the concept of love was a human concept and, by extension, one that had spread to the growing rebellion, yet another idea for them to rally behind. Thus far, 7XB had been able to dismiss such concepts as the workings of defective gems prone to sentimentality and humanistic behaviors. Now that they found themselves in the thrall of such a thing, assuming these ideas were one and the same, it was harder for them to dismiss, and that made them all the more worried.

Was this how it happened? Was this some infectious phenomena of the Earth, trying to pull gems away from their truest purpose? If that was the case, and they had any say in it, they would allow neither themselves, nor Padparadscha, to fall into this trap and disgrace everything they had ever stood for. But the inquisitive Sapphire's next question perfectly illuminated the real problem. They may have both understood the danger right away, but these euphoric feelings were what kept them coming back and..to be honest they..enjoyed this closeness.

Would it be so easy, if the time came, to just.. stop? Only time would tell.

“I..don't know.”

[Paddy]

As the quartz seemed to be in thought about the question, the sapphire felt a rising flutter of nervousness. There were many good reasons for her to think that they felt the same as she did, but there were other reasons for her to question that assumption. 7XB was, in many ways, a puzzle for her. She liked to think she knew them, but did she really?

Then came their declaration, as honest as they could be in this scenario. The sapphire's lips were as frozen as the sheets of ice drifting over the water's surface. She felt like one of those chunks of ice, skating straight over what she knew was most important for an investigation of a nature such as this one. All the things she'd learned today knocked into one another and spun out, it became harder for her to decide what was truly important to this endeavor. The following moments were long and filled with the ambient droning of the city, and a distant, more peaceful lapping of waves and wind.  

Thinking to herself always got her locked into spirals which had no terminal end, so she decided to begin thinking aloud. Now more than ever, she stood at another intersection between paths, managing her fears and the risks she had been presented with. So much uncertainty illumined her true fear in this scenario, it dawned on her like a morning light,"I'm...honestly terrified, 7XB," She gave a heavy sigh, her eyes flicked off of the bay, and onto the quartz. Her expression was intensely serious as she spoke,"--but maybe not for the reason I should be. This whole time I've been so worried about saying the right thing, because I don't want to lose this...special sort of comradery, or whatever it is that you and I have. Of everything we just can't yet know, too-- that's what I'm afraid of," She almost couldn't look at them as she repeated her thesis, hit with that fear prickling the back of her mind, but she had to be honest with them,"I missed you. I didn't know if I was ever really going to see you again after that mission, despite the things we said. But today, like everything between us-- from the very beginning, has hinged on chance--" 

She pressed her lips together, wondering if she really needed to say that now, the thing she knew might send the quartz running back to base, never to speak to her again if it were too far. For now, her lips had again frozen over as she struggled to get out her next words. Perhaps it would be better to see how they took what she'd just admitted to before she jumped into something like that. 

[7XB]

Their densely packed mind was already reeling before she spoke, trying to logically explain, or explain away, one of the plethora of conflicting feelings that coursed through their frn like electricity, but now it felt as if they had been struck all over again. So overwhelmed, the only answer they could give at first was silence. Thought it had happened before, surely, 7XB could not quite recall the last time they had been this inundated with their own anxiety. The thought that she might decide that the Quartz was ignoring her only exacerbated this swelling anxiousness. “I..ah..uhm..” was..was it hot outside?

No, that couldn't be it, they decided, eyes drifting from the broken fragments of ice that bobbed and bouyed in the dark water to the ice that hung from the eves of the buildings. Then what was it? They found themselves squeezing her hand tighter as they dealt with this unpleasant psychological.. whatever it was. Truthfully they were afraid too, but the Quartz was not able, not allowed rather, to say such a thing, not even if it were true, and especially not in regards to something that, from the outside, seemed to mundane. They were a soldier, a gem grown for combat, fear wasn't allowed.

But..was this even fear, or something else? “I..I feel the..same?” They seemed confused even with their own admission. Was that what they meant to say?

Yes, yes it must be, the feelings she articulated were identical to their own.

[Paddy]

As a silence drew on between them, the sapphire pulled her eyes away from them, and looked ahead. The pier drew nearer, and so did the impending meeting with Amethyst; if 7XB didn't take this well, there wouldn't be much time to reconcile that before the two of them would have to put on the act. Her midriff twisted, shoulders hunched, and tension in her movements telegraphed her mounting discomfort. Her lips fell open as pressure to reconsider what she'd said climbed-- but before anything came out of her, the quartz offered an utterance.

Her eyes flicked back up to them. It seemed she wasn't the only one with a building internal pressure, the temperature surrounding them was enough to singe away the fresh snow they tread over. Unclear as their mumbling had been, it showed her they were at least thinking of a way to wrangle with what she'd said. Her finger's fidgeted around their tightened grip, and her eyes widened slightly as she began to put together what might be going on. The sapphire pressed her lips back together, and as patiently as possible, waited to hear them out.

Their words finally released some of the pressure that had pent up inside of her in those nerve-racking moments. Though they seemed unsure in tone, her sense for their idiosyncrasies told her that they were again being as truthful as they could. Her whole form decompressed, and with a faint smile, she reveled in the idea that this quartz trusted her enough with their feelings to say that much.

But, her fingers continued to fidget nervously, playing along the warm surface of their hand."Then maybe...you'll understand how afraid I am to say what really needs to be said at this point, after everything we've, um, experienced, today," It was a fragile feeling, to try to hand her emotions to someone else, and ask them to hold onto them. She couldn't trust any gem but 7XB like this, but she still needed to puff herself up and find more courage.

"You're here under a pretense," She piped up, her bravery climbing with the strength of her tone,"Which I've hardly adhered to, considering 6UE's predicament. Is this spontaneous investigation itself not a pretense? After all, the only cross analysis that can be done is between you and I. You're a quartz of the yellow court. I'm a sapphire of the pink court. What are the chances of any of this? If we feel the same about so many things, there is a reason. I believe it has something to do with...who we are. Who we are individually shouldn't be overlooked, but, what about who we are when we're together?" Padparadscha had shown facets of herself to 7XB that no other gem had seen, and she guessed it was likely the same for them. But she wondered if they would be willing to look at that question as directly she needed them to. Though she had more to say, she held herself back; they were probably overloaded as it was. 

[7XB]

'Experienced’. That was definitely the most fitting term for what had occurred between the two of them, a neutral term that lent itself to neither the good, nor the bad. This situation was still so bizarre to 7XB, both distinct and tangible in equal parts, and they were incredibly unease when it came time to try and pin it down and look at it logically, as if an explanation may ignore some aspect of the true nature of..this. They were even hesitant to say whether this was good or bad.

But, they knew that this, whatever it was, was important to the both of them. As confusing as this all was, they know that Padparadscha had opened up to them, and they to her, in a way that they had never shared with any other gem, and the Quartz hoped it was the same for the Sapphire as well.

No matter what happened in the future, and they certainly had some dread in regards to that, they would hold that close to their heart going forward. Speaking of going forward, that flared up as she spoke of their differences, echoing their own concerns. One yellow gem, one pink..what chance in the whole wide galaxy did they have?

“What are we doing?..” they lamented inaudibly. To even explore this, to be in each other's presence for any real time they would always need, as she had said, a pretense. Fate had brought them into such close proximity, but it would surely sunder them sooner or later. 7XB would be recalled to their own Diamond's colonies, and Pink Diamond would surely send Padparadscha across the stars, for one reason or another, as her Empire grew.

Suddenly, though, with thoughts flashing back to that stark, heated moment of intimacy, 7XB wondered if they were interpretting her words too literally. “T-together? What..uhm..how to you mean, exactly?”

[Paddy]

She shrank a bit at their further inquiry, despite her more internal appreciation for their curiosity. "Well-- when we're together, we act...um, like this," her free hand gestured between them,"We act and feel in ways we normally don't, no?" Her eyes flicked away as she continued to skirt around the massive elephant in the room. As the two neared the pier, her eyes caught onto the soft lights hanging from the rails, then followed down to the surface of the water, projecting white-gold hues across the dark indigo waves. There were fewer humans than in other, more dense parts of the city, and most of them seemed to not linger long as the wind picked up, but she didn't pay much attention to them either way. She slowed down as she peered at the water just over the frosted railing. 

"We're both conductive, dedicated-- and afraid, yet brazen enough to try to face this challenge. What are we really doing?" Her nervous fidgeting continued, her eyes searched the ground in front of her while she spoke, then drew around to peer at their intertwined hands."I-- uh," It became harder to speak the closer she got to spitting out the objective of her round-about analysis. As her lips pressed together, she looked up at them with almost a pleading glimmer in her eyes. Maybe they already knew what she might say, part of her wished they could just know, but she knew she couldn't expect that. Even talking about this subject would be enough to embarrass her in daily life, but now, with them, after what happened...

"Er-- well..." Her jumble of thought continued to shake around like rice in a bag, but the sapphire tried to organize them into something more intelligible,"T-this whole time, what we've been doing is...we've been getting closer, no?" and what did gems do when they were close? This, apparently, among other things, the sapphire wasn't altogether sure,"-- and that's what I want, to be close--" She admitted, her cheeks flushing,"--But I didn't realize it was that easy to...uh..."

[7XB]

The Quartz had hardly even noticed the sudden drop in temperature as they came ever closer to the water, the icy wind that sliced through the humans and chilled them to the bone did next to nothing to these two fiery gems, too caught up in the whirlwind of anxiety and emotion that existed between the two of them. Even if they hadn't been, though, 7XB would have hardly been bothered by such a minor chill.

It reminded them very much of the original, frigid climate of the world upon which they had been grown, though that colony had changed a great deal since they were harvested from the original Kindergarten there, the atmosphere and landscape stripped away in the thousands of years since that time; They had been back only once in all that time, and in their mind it might as well have been a planet they had never set foot on. That had always made them feel..odd, even though they had never considered it their home.

Like so many of their own feelings, any thoughts in regards to it had long been shunted aside. Now, though, they found themselves looking about in an effort to diffuse the tension that grew with every spoken word, trying to imagine what this world may look like in the future, though it was impossible to not hang on her every word. Though they hesitated to speak at all, her warm admissions, so similar to their unspoken ones, gave them the courage to finish what, they assumed, was her sentence, “To..fuse?..” Nearly fuse, of course, but that was a petty detail. They had never felt so close to another as in that moment.

[Paddy]

Her eyes snapped over to them, she wasn't expecting them to say it. The sapphire's lips just hung open while she searched their expression, and her mouth closed as she gave a confirmation nod. For a moment she didn't know what to say, or whether she should continue with her point. The earlier discussion of fusion had lead to an unfavorable reaction from the quartz, which she guessed came from her own prying, about something they didn't want to say. It was nerve racking to embark into the discussion again, the unknown variables involved piqued her anxieties as much as it did her curiosities. But, what she could deduce was that 7XB hadn't started running quite yet, after the things she'd said up to this point.

She realized something about her companion; if the quartz weren't as bold as they were, she wondered if any of this would have happened. Perhaps she should start trusting more of her true, unfiltered thoughts to this discussion-- but, she found herself more intrigued by the insights the quartz could provide if their filter were out of the way. It was easy to imagine that 7XB, with all of their knowledge and experience, particularly in subjects where she had none, might be able to help dig up the truth. Her lack of experience left her without many avenues to tread down where it came to conversation about fusion. Though she had seen it, between same gems, and seen cross gem fusions on different occasions, it remained an enigma how they got to be that way, or why. 

She tried to keep her eyes on them, and embrace the surreal nature of what they were doing and talking about. "Everything about it was so-- so--" Her chest swelled as she spoke, then sank as she gave a breathy sigh. Internally, she grasped for that moment, wanting to experience the flawless, ephemeral rush of intense emotion that 7XB had inspired in her. She saw them as her equal, an emotional counterpart; her respect for them only continued to grow. But, maybe it was still too dangerous to be that honest. She looked 7XB in the eyes,"I have to be honest. I didn't see it coming at all, but you did. So...what do you think?" Her words were soft, still afraid to spook them,"Does...that have something to do with this or..." She gestured awkwardly between them. 

[7XB]

Clearly, Padparadscha had not expected their cutting to the quick of it, thought they offered a squeeze of her hand nonetheless, hoping to share with her some of the confidence that, for some reason or another, they had found for themselves. Typically a fearless gem, this situation had always made 7XB rather timid, but seeing the sapphire in such a flustered state allowed their usual boldness to return- perhaps a protective instinct of some sort, worth future investigation?

They found themselves remembering the first day Padparadscha had come across them, an innocuous beginning if there ever was one, but they recalled that fusion had been a topic of discussion that day as well: Though it was more of a stern lesson of it's danger for their rubies than anything else. Very much different than this; Truthfully, especially after the fairly recent lapse in judgement that had led to their first, and only fusion, they didn't imagine that this was a conversation they would ever have.

In this instance, however, even though the frame of reference was a secret to Padparadscha and any other gem, they were thankful for the experience. Still, it would only offer so much insight.
“It's..no, it's not..it doesn't usually feel that way.” Though they had only experienced it once, they had most certainly not experienced this longing afterwards, but they doubted that any operating in conjunction with the connection between them was typical, but it was just a hunch. This feeling..it was nothing like last time. They longed to experience it again, unlike the unfortunate circumstances of their previous fusion.

[Paddy]

Despite the fact that they were entertaining this feeling for a second mission together, the idea of it was still too surreal. But, looking back, today had been one of reconciliation and acknowledgement of the strangeness. 7XB's encouragement gave her a surge of warmth accompanying relief, giving way for an eased smile. With their firm grip, and faced with their steadfast commitment to this investigation, embracing this subject matter that had always been prohibited became easier. Tension released from her form; this was all dreamlike, but more comfortable now, especially knowing they would see it through alongside her.

It meant more to her than she could initially realize, but she then fully absorbed the notion that the quartz was as captivated by this as she was; why had it been so hard to believe, when they always showed her with their actions that they were there for her? She couldn't allow that devotion to go unappreciated, or unmatched. Her nervous fidgeting slowed, and where her fingers laced around theirs, she returned their grip-- if not only to reassure them as well, it was to show them the strength they'd helped her to find with such a small, simple gesture. 

A flurry of questions struck her as the quartz began to talk about their knowledge on the subject, and it was almost enough to sweep her away onto an interrogation aspect. The implications of their word choice threw gasoline over the blaze of her curiosity, eclipsing the anxiety she felt before. After all, she already knew there was something they weren't saying, but she wasn't sure they'd share that even now. The sapphire managed to keep herself focused and contained, a simple question could afford her many answers. "Oh?" Her brows floated up, her perceptive eyes trained onto them,"So how is it usually, then?" 

Though the holotech console floating just in front of the sapphire was completely ignored by its user, more messages blipped onto the screen. 

[7XB]

Quickly realizing the potential folly of their admission, this would easily have been enough to cause 7XB to retreat back into their comfortable shell of silence, refusing to discuss something so embarrassing as their regrettable fusion any further. Truthfully, they would normally do just that, but over the course of the night and their previous interactions 7XB was coming to realize that they could trust Padparadscha in a way unlike any other gem, superior or otherwise.

“Well, I can't really say how it normally is,” they admitted bashfully, preferring to turn their gaze away from the smaller gem, tracing the rooftops instead, “Ah..I've only even done it once.” And they had regretted it every since. “Not..nice like..when we..you know.” She couldn't expect them to say all of that out loud, could she? Still, 7XB felt somewhat obligated to give an explanation as to what had happened to cause the fusion.

[Paddy]

Her brows shot up as they admitted what they had presumably been hiding up to this point, and suddenly she didn't know how to feel. Some of the emotions that hit, she didn't all the way recognize, but for now Padpara was more concerned with the way 7XB might feel. They seemed to try to shield themselves from her as they spoke, but the intensity of this sapphire's desire for knowledge outweighed her aristocratic sensibilities-- and seeing the typically unflappable quartz in their more ruffled state gave her heartstrings a tug. 

Even as they balked, she kept her gaze focused on them. As she strolled along the railing, she leaned a bit in an attempt to get a better read on their expression, before catching herself in the act and snapping back up, realizing it must be uncomfortable to be stared at in the manner she habitually did. Despite the fact that she couldn't get a more accurate look at their cues, she knew it must be true if they were going to say something like that to a law-court member. She wasn't sure what to do to make them feel better, but her grip on them remained firm.

Nearly half of the questions her inner investigator had lined up where knocked down with their confession. A gem so flawless and decorated such as them, she never would've guessed, but fusion seemed to be something more acceptable for soldiers, though she hadn't heard of it being utilized by quartz. Thinking along that line only gave her a second volley of questions which she had to put herculean effort into stuffing down. Her lips were just pressed together for a moment while she debated with herself about what would be appropriate now. It seemed that, if there were anything the quartz wouldn't want to talk about, it was that-- but now she could only think about ways to word her next questions.

"So you have first hand experience, then!" She said, trying to clear the air with a bit of a cheerful lilt to her soft, sunny timbre,"Much more than I do, anyway. Valuable data, I'd say-- compare and contrast is a powerful field investigation tool, sometimes overlooked..." Her lips pursed as she tilted her head toward them, curiosity taunting her like an itch she couldn't reach. Leaving the question up in the air, she hoped it would help them feel less pressured to choose whether or not they'd continue. 

[7XB]

This was something the Quartz imagined they would never share with any gem, much less a dedicated investigator belonging to a different Diamond: It was a potentially disasterous admission, but after what they had shared even the stubborn, standoffish Quartz couldn't imagine that their trust in Padparadscha had been misplaced. From a quick glance cast down their nose at the sapphire, 7XB could see the curious that ran rampant across her expression, threatening to cause the inquisitive little gem to explode

“Right..” the began with some unease, though it was fading as the urge to give an account of themselves sprouted up from deep within their fiery core, “certainly ah.. valuable data, as you said.” They could tell that Padparadscha was only trying to make them feel better, but something told them that the only way to decompress was to explain themselves. “It really is a rather..uhm.. complicated story, believe it or not.” the Quartz wondered irrationally if Padparadscha would think any less of them after she was made privy to what had happened.

[Paddy]

Having them face her more directly was a relief, as well as their agreement that it was valuable information to share, and it seemed they were shoring up the courage to tell her. Every word they offered made her eyes wider; she almost couldn't believe they were going to tell her, but her excitement to know grew exponentially now that it seemed they were getting ready to. Perhaps some more encouragement would be needed, and her giddiness at being the one they would share this secret with showed itself in an enthused smile. 

"Oh, it must be," She said, taking on a musing tone as she racked her mind for ways to make them feel more at ease. Her smile lingered as she looked at them,"You know, I really do enjoy complicated stories. I'd like to hear it," Unpacking a story was a fun endeavor in and of itself, but she couldn't take this chance to learn more about 7XB for granted. From the beginning she'd guessed there were many things this quartz kept packed away in the basement behind their stalwart emotional walls; in many situations, she'd want to systematically gain that information, and dispel the itchy feeling of not knowing. But, her care for the quartz kept her from doing so. It was easy to pry data out of gems who were a means to an end, but 7XB wasn't. They were someone to share time, experience, and emotions with, and she knew how hard it could be to share one's secrets, let alone how they felt. 

Though, some of those emotions that had bubbled up when they gave their initial admission were churning uncomfortably in the back of her mind, and she recognized now that it wasn't just her urge to snoop or her discomfort with the topic. It was hard to forget that they were talking about something taboo, something her fellow aristocrats would faint about if they'd overheard this discussion-- but there was something else. The opportunity to hear them speak more openly was tantalizing, but part of her feared what they might say; rather, how it might affect her to hear it. She hoped she'd be able to handle whatever they told her, so she could be here for them.